[And she turned him down! But he's not going to harp on that because the prospect of actually becoming her teacher is much more fun.]
what do you want to learn? how to land a punch? play an instrument? bounce a dinner roll? annoy the elderly? or maybe how to forge documents to prank your friends!
WELCOME TO GOJO SATORU'S MASTER CLASS THE BASICS OF DOCUMENT FORGERY
STEP ONE: Pick a document that you would like to forge. Appropriate documents include: birth certificates, last wills and testaments, patents, train survey results, and other official documents. Submit your choice for approval.
[ Dang, what the heck, who even carries all that stuff around with them? And what the heck is a patent???? After about five minutes of radio silence, Gojo will receive the following attachment: surveyresults.jpg. ]
STEP TWO: Duplicate the document, keeping the original as reference.
STEP THREE: Edit the copy using markup. Clear the document of the text by painting over it with the same color as the background.
[Attached is a video of Satoru doing this on someone else's phone with their survey result. He walks through the process of making a copy and then uses markup to erase the text. At the very end of the clip he looks into the camera. Does he look a little amused? Maybe!]
[Here Suguru was, thinking he was going to be able to use this opportunity for an easy way out of fulfilling an objective and putting together a complicated joke in the process, but now he has to really teach if he wants this to pan out, huh?
Luckily, he is a teacher in real (non-train) life and also happens to have patience for playing the long game for dumb joke reveals, so! Forget the distance learning of text messages, now it's time for...a video call! Satoru in person (more or less) is an unfortunate side effect of needing extra help.
But he sends her a copy of her own survey result first, just in case she did delete the original.
If Beatrix feels like enduring Satoru and answers his call, she'll find him giving her a peace sign and cheerfully saying:]
Time for office hours!
[He'll then hold up the secondary phone he procured from someone mysterious, ready to walk her through this step by annoying step!
But if she rejects his call, he's going to call again. And again. And again!]
[ She didn't sign up for office hours!!! But unfortunately she is the exact type of student to always need office hours so....here they both are. Unfortunately for one of them (her).
She picks up on the first ring, mostly because she actually is feeling growing panic at the thought of having already failed this objective of hers before she's barely even begun. In contrast to Gojo, who looks cheerful and composed, her face is a picture of alarm: eyes wide, mouth tugged down, brows pinched. ]
Help! What if I accidentally delete the document again?
[ 'Duplicate' and 'Delete' look so much alike, you know.... ]
[Beatrix's panic doesn't ruffle Satoru at all. In fact, he looks even more amused than he did in his earlier video clip, his smile nice and wide. When he speaks, he sounds completely chill, as though he deals with panicked students all the time.
Which, he does! Thanks to a combination of high stakes and his own teaching habits.]
Just don't tap delete and it won't go away.
[Sage advice! Obvious advice, even! But possibly not all that helpful. Regardless, Satoru now has the master copy of her results, so Beatrix technically can delete it as many times as she wants to.]
Watch.
[He turns his secondary phone's screen to the camera and very slowly (and somewhat dramatically) makes a copy instead of tapping delete.]
[ Thank you sensei for holding her hand through this extremely (not) laborious process....
Thanks to his patient efforts, Take Two goes much better than Take One, and it's not long before Beatrix is excitedly tapping away at the copy button. (In fact, she may have gotten so excited that she duplicated her document ten times. It's fine, now she has extra copies with which to practice on.) ]
Oh! This is so easy once you get the hang of it. And you can really do this with any document?
[ She's absentmindedly chatting away while she slowly moves on to Step Three... ]
[Duplicate them all, Beatrix! Satoru totally supports your duplication dreams.
But! There's still a point to all of this, so he's going to refocus her by saying:]
Now make the text disappear!
[He'll walk her through this with the secondary phone, just like he did the duplication, nice and slow, still oh-so-patiently guiding her. He uses markup to erase the survey text then waits for her to do the same...]
[ Wow, this really is like magic!! Creating things out of seemingly nothing, making text disappear....it's like a whole new world has been opened up to her. She nods along as she follows his instructions, her face a picture of excitement despite the fact that she's not focused on him. ]
Whoa....where'd you learn how to do this? It's so handy!
[ She will be illegally modifying all her documents from here on out, congrats on the monster you've created. ]
[Satoru is happy to support his new protégé in all her future illegal activities! As is evident by his wide grin as he pulls the phone back from the camera to get ready for the next step.]
I'm self-taught.
[It's a silly brag, but it's also true. Satoru masters pretty much everything he tries, which contributes to just how annoying he is.
He allows Beatrix a moment to enjoy her hard work, then moves on to the final step.]
All that's left is to add text. If you want to be perfect like me...
[He trails off to turn the phone screen toward the camera again, walking her through the final step by selecting the appropriate font and color and typing out a "perfect" survey result.]
[ Finally.....she can prove to the whole world that she is in fact perfect!!!!!
For how many stumbles the first step had taken, the remaining steps progress fairly smoothly, Beatrix finally unlocking her inner creative (or maybe inner criminal) to blast through the rest of her document wiping and recreating.
Soon, Gojo gets a message back that's basically a recreation of the image he'd sent her: imperfect.png ]
I did it!! Wow, that really was easier than I thought it would be. Thanks!! That was pretty cool, actually.
[ It's like she's completely forgotten that she dislikes him....amazing. ]
[See, Satoru is a great teacher! The best, even! Filled with great ideas, patience, and bad influence!]
Good work.
[Look, he even praises his students! Truly, he is the pinnacle of educational talent.]
Looks like you're ready for the big leagues.
[aka trolling her friends! Just like Satoru himself.]
As for your legal defense, the best thing to do is —
[Suddenly, the video feed cuts off. Were they disconnected? Did he hang up on purpose? Is the best defense when one is caught forging documents to simply disappear? A mystery...]
[ She is so ready to learn about legal defense, come at her!!
Because Beatrix is Beatrix, and gifted with an unfortunately small brain, she thinks the sudden black screen is all part of the learning process. So she waits….and waits…...and waits some more. Five minutes pass, and then ten, and then she thinks finally that hey, maybe this isn't how it's supposed to go? Hm. ]
hey you disappeared! what's the best legal defense thing to do??
[ Will he ever respond or will she be left alone to figure this one out all by herself….. ]
[It takes so long for Beatrix to contact him again, Satoru thinks she's moved on to other matters. As a result, he's already gone off to annoy someone else, and his reply is therefore delayed...by two whole days! Hopefully Beatrix hasn't gotten into legal trouble yet.]
run away
[Not exactly a legal defense, technically speaking, but hey! It works. Sometimes! Maybe! Satoru has never personally tried that route but details.]
if you get caught, just say you didn't do it
[Deniability!]
or fight your way out of trouble
[She mentioned bootcamp — maybe she's strong enough? But most people aren't as powerful as Satoru and therefore would be at a disadvantage, so...]
whatever you do
don't tell them who taught you how
[The most important instruction! Satoru doesn't want more higher-ups on his back for not following rules perfectly, thank you very much.]
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[Because...it kinda is an assignment!]
i did take it! it said i'm perfect and don't have to do anything
i take it yours said something else
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no way! no way!!
there's no way it said you're perfect!
show me the result you got, i want proof!!
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yeesh
have a little faith in your teacher
[Attached: thisquizresultisnotatalldoctored.png]
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.......
................................................................
She is going to have Words with that survey. ]
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ugh fine
if you're so perfect then you can teach me something right
this stupid survey says i have to learn something new from someone
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[And she turned him down! But he's not going to harp on that because the prospect of actually becoming her teacher is much more fun.]
what do you want to learn? how to land a punch? play an instrument? bounce a dinner roll? annoy the elderly? or maybe how to forge documents to prank your friends!
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isn't that last one kind of illegal?
[ but also she wants to try it so bad ]
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[But are there laws on this train? A mystery!]
lesson #2: how to stage a legal defense
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okay fine
you can teach me that
the forging paperwork and also this legal defense stuff i guess
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2/2
THE BASICS OF DOCUMENT FORGERY
STEP ONE: Pick a document that you would like to forge. Appropriate documents include: birth certificates, last wills and testaments, patents, train survey results, and other official documents. Submit your choice for approval.
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does that work
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STEP TWO: Duplicate the document, keeping the original as reference.
STEP THREE: Edit the copy using markup. Clear the document of the text by painting over it with the same color as the background.
[Attached is a video of Satoru doing this on someone else's phone with their survey result. He walks through the process of making a copy and then uses markup to erase the text. At the very end of the clip he looks into the camera. Does he look a little amused? Maybe!]
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Watch Beatrix immediately get stuck on step two because: ]
wait
duplicate?
i think i accidentally deleted my document
can i still get it back????
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Luckily, he is a teacher in real (non-train) life and also happens to have patience for playing the long game for dumb joke reveals, so! Forget the distance learning of text messages, now it's time for...a video call! Satoru in person (more or less) is an unfortunate side effect of needing extra help.
But he sends her a copy of her own survey result first, just in case she did delete the original.
If Beatrix feels like enduring Satoru and answers his call, she'll find him giving her a peace sign and cheerfully saying:]
Time for office hours!
[He'll then hold up the secondary phone he procured from someone mysterious, ready to walk her through this step by annoying step!
But if she rejects his call, he's going to call again. And again. And again!]
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She picks up on the first ring, mostly because she actually is feeling growing panic at the thought of having already failed this objective of hers before she's barely even begun. In contrast to Gojo, who looks cheerful and composed, her face is a picture of alarm: eyes wide, mouth tugged down, brows pinched. ]
Help! What if I accidentally delete the document again?
[ 'Duplicate' and 'Delete' look so much alike, you know.... ]
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Which, he does! Thanks to a combination of high stakes and his own teaching habits.]
Just don't tap delete and it won't go away.
[Sage advice! Obvious advice, even! But possibly not all that helpful. Regardless, Satoru now has the master copy of her results, so Beatrix technically can delete it as many times as she wants to.]
Watch.
[He turns his secondary phone's screen to the camera and very slowly (and somewhat dramatically) makes a copy instead of tapping delete.]
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Thanks to his patient efforts, Take Two goes much better than Take One, and it's not long before Beatrix is excitedly tapping away at the copy button. (In fact, she may have gotten so excited that she duplicated her document ten times. It's fine, now she has extra copies with which to practice on.) ]
Oh! This is so easy once you get the hang of it. And you can really do this with any document?
[ She's absentmindedly chatting away while she slowly moves on to Step Three... ]
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[Duplicate them all, Beatrix! Satoru totally supports your duplication dreams.
But! There's still a point to all of this, so he's going to refocus her by saying:]
Now make the text disappear!
[He'll walk her through this with the secondary phone, just like he did the duplication, nice and slow, still oh-so-patiently guiding her. He uses markup to erase the survey text then waits for her to do the same...]
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Whoa....where'd you learn how to do this? It's so handy!
[ She will be illegally modifying all her documents from here on out, congrats on the monster you've created. ]
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I'm self-taught.
[It's a silly brag, but it's also true. Satoru masters pretty much everything he tries, which contributes to just how annoying he is.
He allows Beatrix a moment to enjoy her hard work, then moves on to the final step.]
All that's left is to add text. If you want to be perfect like me...
[He trails off to turn the phone screen toward the camera again, walking her through the final step by selecting the appropriate font and color and typing out a "perfect" survey result.]
Tada!
[And here we are again!]
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For how many stumbles the first step had taken, the remaining steps progress fairly smoothly, Beatrix finally unlocking her inner creative (or maybe inner criminal) to blast through the rest of her document wiping and recreating.
Soon, Gojo gets a message back that's basically a recreation of the image he'd sent her: imperfect.png ]
I did it!! Wow, that really was easier than I thought it would be. Thanks!! That was pretty cool, actually.
[ It's like she's completely forgotten that she dislikes him....amazing. ]
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Good work.
[Look, he even praises his students! Truly, he is the pinnacle of educational talent.]
Looks like you're ready for the big leagues.
[aka trolling her friends! Just like Satoru himself.]
As for your legal defense, the best thing to do is —
[Suddenly, the video feed cuts off. Were they disconnected? Did he hang up on purpose? Is the best defense when one is caught forging documents to simply disappear? A mystery...]
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Because Beatrix is Beatrix, and gifted with an unfortunately small brain, she thinks the sudden black screen is all part of the learning process. So she waits….and waits…...and waits some more. Five minutes pass, and then ten, and then she thinks finally that hey, maybe this isn't how it's supposed to go? Hm. ]
hey
you disappeared!
what's the best legal defense thing to do??
[ Will he ever respond or will she be left alone to figure this one out all by herself….. ]
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run away
[Not exactly a legal defense, technically speaking, but hey! It works. Sometimes! Maybe! Satoru has never personally tried that route but details.]
if you get caught, just say you didn't do it
[Deniability!]
or fight your way out of trouble
[She mentioned bootcamp — maybe she's strong enough? But most people aren't as powerful as Satoru and therefore would be at a disadvantage, so...]
whatever you do
don't tell them who taught you how
[The most important instruction! Satoru doesn't want more higher-ups on his back for not following rules perfectly, thank you very much.]
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